change of heart

everyone told me how tiring being a mom would be physically but what i never thought of was the emotional side of it. yes, i'm physically exhausted but also emotionally as well. i have this tiny human that i care for 24/7. love, fear, worry and the many others things i feel daily is a lot. it's a new perspective of motherhood i never thought of and makes me appreciate mothers everywhere so much more. you really have to put your heart and soul into it. but at the same time it is amazing all of the things i feel now that i didn't before. last night i was watching 'the office' and it was the episode where michael leaves the show. he was really sad about leaving and would tear up each time he had to say goodbye to an employee. and there i was full on crying... at an office episode... and i realized i've been doing this a lot lately. ill cry or tear up at every sentimental thing. commercials, blogs, movies etc. i used to be like this. i empathized and felt for other people. i cared for people and their problems probably too much sometimes. before i had wes i had a wall up and i guess didn't even know it. like any single person, i was in a couple of bad relationships before i met my sweetheart that left me broken. it made me not trust anyone. it sounds silly but i stopped feeling in a way. after heartbreak i felt it was easier to not feel anything than to feel that much pain. it was easier to have a hard exterior than to let people in. of course i eventually met darren and it made that disappear and i was able to trust again. but it isn't until now that i realize how much i was still holding back and how wesley has made me feel deeply again.  it reminds me of my old self. i really have missed it... being me. i'm not trying to sound like i am this amazing person, but i'm realizing what this little boy to has done to my life and it amazes me and makes me so grateful. a life without love, is no life at all.

ps. is this not the best picture you have ever seen? ^^