thoughts of today


last night. i reached for my phone on the other side of wesley and dropped it right smack on his face. it was more than heart breaking. he cried his sad cry where his voice shakes and he doesn’t even want to be held. i only know this cry because two days earlier i accidentally snapped his skin while getting him dressed. so this was mama fail #2. i can’t even begin to describe how bad i felt. i started to cry because he was so sad and i was the one who made him sad. his momma.. the one he trusts.  but while i nursed him back to happiness he looked at me with those eyes and he still loved me. the trust was still there and i could make it all better for him. being the over analyzer i am, it got me thinking. why was i so quick to grab my phone? hello! it could have waited. it just bothered me that i was so concerned about my phone that i forgot about his well being. and i know what you’re probably thinking... that i’m being way too hard on myself and it was an accident. i know that i wont be perfect and will make mistakes, but it put things in perspective for me and thats what i want to share. i learned two things: my baby will always love me, trust me and forgive me (what a beautiful thing that is because i will make mistakes). and second, that i need to be there for him in all aspects- physically emotionally, etc. all of the things of the world can wait. i need to slow down a little bit. when he looks up at me i don’t want him to see the back of my phone. i want to be looking back at him, not busy on my blog or facebook. i want to give him all of the smiles and compliments i have, so that he grows up knowing i am there for him. really present. i’ve never wanted to be the mom that puts her child on the sideline out of convenience. don’t get me wrong, i love blogging and staying connected through social medias, but if it means i wait until he is asleep then thats what i’ll do. i don’t want to look back on this time in my life and not remember the little moments. i hope i am making sense and not coming off self righteous. this was just a great thing for me to realize and i’m grateful for the opportunity i have to learn so much at this time in my life.

what are some ways you stay present with your little ones?