one month old




this time a month ago we were holding our sweet boy for the first time. since he came, my friend said it perfectly, i have been in a baby coma. it's true. i've spent the last 30 days in my pj's staring at my baby boy, soaking it all in. if you've tried to call or text and i've not responded, i'm sorry... but not really. life is slower paced now and i love it. i love taking 10 minute walks around the block and napping under the tree in our yard. i love that we can just be and not be bothered with the world.
i had a hard day in particular when he was 4  days old when i realized how fast this was going to go. it was in fact an emotional breakdown. so emotional where you start to wonder if your baby has made you crazy because you cant stop crying. i didn't want him to get bigger. i didn't want him to grow out of my arms and stay awake longer. now i see that i was super delusional because i love watching him grow. all i can do is be present in each moment and make every day special. each new step for him is so fun and it almost feels like i am experiencing everything for the first time too. he is such a good baby and smiles all the time! he weighs 9 pounds 6 ounces already and has a big head (says the doctor) but i don't think it's abnormally big. just perfect. he is a great eater and sleeps well, too. whenever he fusses and i can't figure out what's bothering him, i can take him outside or put him in his ergo carrier and he goes silent. he loves to be outside, just like dad.
its an amazing feeling to be the one he needs. to be his momma.  i've been putting off writing about the moment i became a mother because i don't even know what words to use. i have imagined that moment since i was a little girl. while most girls dream of their wedding day, i always dreamed of the day my babies would come. it's so strange to imagine your whole pregnancy what they will be like and then they come and it all makes sense. just as if i had always known him. and then the love you feel is out of this world. northing can prepare you for it. it's intense and powerful and knows no bounds. it really is the most spiritual and euphoric thing i've ever experienced. i'm so grateful that this kind of love is even possible and that wesley has allowed me to feel it.
as he sleeps here in my arms, i don't wish it was a month ago and i don't look to the future, i am completely in love with the baby he is today. the baby that loves to be with his momma and daddy. the baby that loves to look around and hold up his head. the baby that makes the cutest faces when pushing out his gas. the baby that made me a momma and has given me more love than i can comprehend. you are my world, my happiness, my everything.

happy one month birthday my sweet love.