as i wait for baby all i can do is think. my mind never stops! i think of life and try to comprehend what big change is coming. darren started a new grown up job today. since we have known each other we have never done the 9-5. we have always both worked random days, shifts and weekends and spent time with each other when we can. last night as he got his stuff ready to go for this morning, i got sentimental. ever since i was little i get emotional about change. the last night of summers, starting a new job, the first day of school.. for some reason i can only see what will change and not what's ahead. darren starting this job means the baby is coming. like soon. it means we will be depending on him to provide, and it means there will be three of us now. i know it sounds like i'm not excited for baby to come, but that's not the case. i'm thrilled, but i am also just scared to death that things won't be the same between us. the other night i was thinking how these are my last days as just me. as lindsay. soon i'll be mom for the rest of my life. it's so exciting and so strange to think about! it's almost as if i am getting a new identity and life... starting over in a way.
i have loved being married to this man for the last two years. the late nights when we can stay up watching a movie or talking, holding hands as we go to sleep, random trips to walmart, our fun vacations, laying in bed all morning.. you know, he's my person i can just be with. last night as i confided in him these things, he reassured me that it will all get better from here. that the baby will go where we will go and it will be even more fun now that we will have another little person to share our amazing life with. silly me, i always forget how good he is and how good things will be. he's been there with me every step of this journey. baby appointments, setting up the nursery, birth classes, reading daddy books, figuring out the breast pump with me and so much more. he hasn't just sat back and let me do everything and he's done all of it because he wants to. he has been a part of it all and i know he will be after the babe comes, too. <--- yep that's me bragging.
as always he made me feel better and the doubt went away. i look forward to the new life we will have. it is going to be a new season and we are going to experience so much more love and joy than we ever thought.