thoughts of today

it was time to post a few days ago, but i can't seem to find the inspiration or desire to write lately. swollen feet, sore body, a long list of to-do's and working 30 hours a week is a lot for me  at this point in my pregnancy. it leaves me not wanting to do much, like blog, on my time off. i'm now 37 weeks pregnant (which is pretty obvi at this point), and life just feels like a blur most days. i just take it day by day and feel pretty grateful i've been able to work up until now. i will say that i'm pretty excited to be done working next week, though! i don't feel "so ready for him to come out" yet, but i'm getting there. of course i want to meet him, but i have a peaceful feeling that he will come when it's the right time. i'm not too worried about due dates and all that. i just know it's soon.. i can feel it. so the next few weeks i'll be more MIA on the blog as i prepare for this little one to enter the world.

yesterday i went to the chiropractor to be adjusted since i've had some numbness in my arms and hands when i sleep. everyone says chiro is awesome for pregnant women, so i gave it a go. i'm really glad i did! the people there were so genuine and kind and i felt comfortable. when it was time to be adjusted she had me get on the table and lay on my tummy on pillows that had a hole for my belly. this was the weirdest thing because i haven't laid on my belly for 8 months. she started by raising the table and as it dropped down she would press hard on my lower back, adjusting it. it's pretty intense and baby starting going crazy in my belly. well, i totally started to bawl my eyes out after the first round. i wasn't expecting to cry at all and the emotions just came really fast. i was so overwhelmed with fear that he wasn't okay and she was going to hurt him by doing that. i felt so silly and kept apologizing, but she was so nice and completely understood. as i thought about it after i realized that was the first time i felt like my baby was in real danger and it scared me to death. that's a feeling i've never felt before. to be afraid for your baby's health or well being. to be so consumed with love for this being that isn't even here yet. the feeling that i will do anything in this world to keep him safe and happy. it's overwhelming and powerful. then i thought of his whole life and what kind of mom i will be. will i be able to handle the amount of love i will feel for him? i had a glimpse of it yesterday and it seriously overwhelmed me. but at the same time it fills me with so much joy. everyone should experience love like this. there's something about creating life inside of me that makes me want to live life better. more intentional, more full of love.  if nothing else, i'm grateful for my baby for bringing that light into my life.

i can't wait to meet you baby boy,
you're my miracle.

*sorry if my belly creeps you out.. i think it's beautiful and amazing how much it's changed in this process.