Last week I received the sweetest comment here from a reader about how I had inspired her to be better. A few days later while vacationing in hawaii I got really upset with Wesley and my sister in law mentioned how it was reassuring to see that even I get frustrated sometimes. I suppose both comments baffled me because I know myself well and am very familiar with my flaws. The thought of others thinking I have it all together, kinda makes me laugh!
I know the intent is good with comments like this and I am grateful if I have inspired another person, but I just want to make sure I am not leading anyone to think we have a perfect life.
Raising a child is not easy. Not for him, not for me, not for my husband. Not only is it physically exhausting with all that running around we do, but emotionally as well. This age has brought a lot to the surface and has challenged me in ways I never imagined. It feels like overnight he changed in a lot of ways which has caught me off guard. I think back to when I was pregnant and how people warned me of how hard it would be having an infant and I laugh. That was cake compared to this. This toddlerhood business is serious stuff! You see, a baby just sits and coos and smiles and the world is dandy. Or at least that was our experience. I realize for others it could be reversed. Maybe babyhood was a struggle but your toddler is as peachy as could be? Each situation is different and I'm only speaking for our family, but I mostly just want to make the point that it isn't easy for anyone.
Honestly life with Wes feels like a dream sometimes and I would be lying if I said he drives me crazy (which is a comment I hear a lot concerning raising children). He doesn't. He is one of the sweetest and most enjoyable humans to be around. But he is also growing and figuring his world out. He gets frustrated and determined and curious. He has tantrums and screams and whines. He is learning. And as much as he is, I am too. Oh, am I learning! I am learning I have very little patience sometimes and it has been painful for me to see that come out. I'm learning I have a lot of expectations of the way I want things done. I'm learning how to teach him how to communicate with me. I want to be gentle and understanding always, but this is new territory for me. Sometimes I lay in bed crying to Darren because I feel like I am failing him. As much as I wish I could change my habits over night, I'm starting to see that it's a process and each experience is only shaping me to be the mother I want to be. I recognize I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have, but that doesn't mean I don't ever feel discouraged.
So do we have hard days? Yes, we definitely do. I do not handle every situation with grace. But because life will always give us challenges, I consciously look for the good and choose to share it here. I depend on the sweet and tender moments I write about because they are what get me through the rocky times. There are a lot of really special moments that come with motherhood and I think it is valuable to share those things with others.
I love being a mom. I really, truly do. I can honestly say I enjoy everyday with him, tantrums and all. It's my hope that I can encourage mothers in any and every phase of life to find joy in this journey. It is precious, it is a gift and we are so blessed to be a part of it.