home to me

We've been getting settled here in Arizona and have been trying to get comfortable in our new space. After writing down our goals and discussing what will be the best thing for our family in the long run, we decided to move in with my parents for the next six months while we get back on track financially and get ready to buy our first home. Though I love my parents (I do so much!) and am eternally grateful for their generosity of opening their home to us, moving in with them for this amount of time was never our ideal plan. But I am learning, through this experience, that life will not always go as I plan and sometimes it's necessary to change the expectations you have to reach the end result.

I have dreams about the life I want to live and now that I have a child I feel myself getting more impatient for those dreams to come to life. I lived in the same home growing up and Darren did as well, so we both had that consistency and stability and would like Wesley to experience that. I'm anxious to own, build and grow something of our own. I dream of a huge garden and chickens and my children running through the backyard until dusk. Of long walks around the neighborhood and building forts in the living room. I dream of cooking in my own kitchen and being able to paint the walls if I'd like to. It's probably totally nerdy, but this is what I look forward to!

I've thought a lot about home and what that means in the past few weeks. I realized the other day that I haven't felt at home in a very long time. We've moved a few times as a couple and although it's been such a fun ride, I am ready to settle down. I feel the pull to plant roots and find "our place". It's been somewhat of a challenge for me to be in this place of limbo because growing up I always had that home to come back to. I knew where I would be accepted and heard and loved. Now that I am an adult with a family of my own, I want to create that place for them.

This period for us has been so strange and complicated, but I know that it will all work out. Already we are finding our place here and it's starting to feel like we will be able to do this for the next six months. Not to mention Wesley loves spending everyday with his cousins and the way he lights up around them makes all the chaos worth it.