As I mentioned in my last post, our second child will be joining our family next summer and we could not be more excited!
Two months ago almost to the day, I stood alone in my bathroom like I did when I found out about Wesley, and waited to see that plus sign appear. Somehow in my soul I already knew, but my excitement was just the same. And just like two years ago, I dropped to my knees in tears, thanking Him over and over as a feeling of peace washed over me.
Motherhood. My purpose, the place I feel at home.
I sort of had a plan since the day Wesley was born to wait a long time before having another baby. I loved him so deeply and wanted to enjoy just him for a long time. I wanted him to have all of our attention and reap the benefits of being our first and only child before adding another. Shortly after he turned a year, I felt the love I had for him growing more each day and started feeling the desire to multiply that feeling. He is so loving and affectionate and I just felt like a sibling would be so wonderful for him. I also started to feel a little selfish and realized I'd never considered God's plan in all of this. So we talked and decided we would try. Well, it just so happened it was in His plan because we became pregnant right away (I say this with the most respect to parents everywhere who are longing and trying for a child). So after just a few short weeks of deciding to try, our lives have changed in the best of ways. We were not expecting for it all to happen so fast, but because it did, we feel a lot of assurance this baby is meant to come to our family at this time. We just feel so blessed to have this opportunity again.
Another special thing about this child in particular, is how much peace he/she has brought into my life. I have been struggling all year with a lot personally. For some reason, I haven't been able to get out of the "funk" I've been in for so long now. I've felt lost, broken and have pleaded for something to lift me out of it. Well, this baby is my something. It's been a year full of trials, ups and downs, stress and worry. It's been me not recognizing myself in the mirror. It's been me not being the mother and wife I want to be. All of it has affected me greatly so this pregnancy has really saved me. It has not fixed any part of our situation but has added hope that everything will be okay. I've been able to remember what truly matters. I feel a renewed sense of purpose and have been reminded how fulfilled I am in motherhood and in building my eternal family with my husband.
Every time we look into Wesley's eyes or touch my growing belly, we know that we are blessed.